Reinventing the Waterwheel

The idea to use water as ordnance didn't come overnight. The challenge of reinventing how wars are won was put in the hands of the country's leading scientists. Defense Department Consultant Dr. Vivian Blanchard worked for almost three years trying to discover a new, more cost-effective type of ammo.

I was sitting at my beach house in Seaside trying to look at this thing from all angles. Then it hit me. As the surf rolled in, I thought "I'm looking at the largest ammo dump in the world! It's brilliant I said to myself, "Hit our (ammo) dumps, all you'll get is a splash." Once I was in that mind frame it all fell in place.

Soldiers reload their weapons at Base Camp Victor Zulu.

This February, military contractors, working under the utmost secrecy, developed the first fully functional prototypes for the CPS 1200 Lance assault rifle, CPS 40 Marlin pistol, and the CPS 6000 Eroder heavy machine gun. CPS, which stands for Compression Propulsion System, designates the firearm as a hydro-weapon, and the number indicates the psi (pounds per square inch - a measurement for water pressure) the firearm is capable of producing.

Now, let's see how these amazing weapons work.

Is This For Real? April Fools! Now that April 1st has come and gone, we'll admit that this article is absolutely untrue. For now.