Let's set one thing straight: We're not talking about the fastest one can flush, clean or perform a function at the toilet. Although we'd love to doff our hats to record holders in each of those categories, there doesn't seem to be a lot of opposition to inspire any kind of heated, timed competition.
Unlike the rivalry for the fastest toilet-turned-motorized vehicle, which is shockingly fierce.
The "Bog Standard" was the 2011 winner of the Guinness World Record for Fastest Toilet. It was actually a motorcycle with a sidecar tub, sink and laundry bin. (No actual toilet, which makes one fantasize about how fast and loose you can really play with Guinness titles.) Regardless, the toilet "set" traveled at 42 mph (68 kph) [source: Guinness World Records].
But one plumber from Lincolnshire, Great Britain wasn't about to let a measly 42 mph motorcycle sans toilet sit atop the throne of the record books. Attaching an entire working toilet (complete with flush function) on top of a motorized bike, Colin Furze managed to make his loo whiz by at 55 mph (89 kph) [source: Brady].